I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
