Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
