Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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