These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My feet surprised me
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
