You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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