I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
