guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
