Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
