yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So many bounce houses so little time
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
