You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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