Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
