I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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