I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
