Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
