I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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