She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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