New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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