Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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