4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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