Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
