Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
