is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Life without a bra equals bliss.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
