and you said cock pushups were impossible
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
