Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
