I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
