Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
