maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
