drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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