What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
