He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
