I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
