How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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