Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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