Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
