Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
