I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
