I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
They took my balls.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
