Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
