Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
