I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
