How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
