T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
