Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
