tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
