haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
