Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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