Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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