3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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