Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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