Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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