Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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