Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
