i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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