What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
